Steph’s GEE Spot

And the blessing continues… this is definitely my best birthday ever!!! 

Yes, it’s true that in a few more years, I’ll be turning to the big 3-0.  My twenties are a blur to me. I hardly remember them. And here I am, living far from home…  Wasn’t it just yesterday that I was planning my Sweet 16 and praying to get as far away from high school as quickly as I possibly could?  Well I did, but it just happened so quickly! Fortunately, there are no regrets. I’m where I belong in every sense of the word… only, I am “older” now… I’d like to think that makes me “wise”.  I am grateful.

My desires have changed, my heart has changed, my outlook on life, all of it has changed… matured, I’d like to think.  I’m happy; I’m settled.  I am content with who and what I am.  So many wonderful things are happening all around me… and within me. 

The thing or should I say, the person that I’m most thankful for this birthday is my bub.  He is truly God given.  I haven’t met someone who is as understanding, and as sensitive to my needs as he is.  It was only through unexpected circumstances that we met, and I am truly thankful for that.  I hope that whatever we have will be… forever.  I love you baby. 

Thank you so much for everyone who remembered and greeted.  Eventhough I’m away from home, it didn’t feel like it.  That’s also primarily thanks to friends here in Jakarta who tried to make my birthday fruitful and fun.

Had so much blessing and outpouring of love from parents of my kids and friends.  Couldn’t have asked for more. 

Thank you dear Lord for everything. 

I am a sinner. I am so far from perfect. Never have been, and quite certain that I never will be. Yet, I am loved by God. Though sometimes I despise this body that I so often take for granted, I am told that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I have read that suffering and physical pain produce patience and perseverance but, so often, I’m too bound, too selfish, too caught up to be made wise. I’m such a stubborn girl. And though I’ve been such a reluctant student, I’ve received such divine instructions. I’ve gained so greatly from the lessons I too soon forget. Only to have the nerve to question why I’m at a loss again, as though there’s anyone to blame but me. I’m so forgetful. So ungrateful, it would seem, for all that I’ve been shown — for the trouble God has pulled me through, for the reward I could have never earned.

It’s so hard to comprehend the love of a God that I have never seen and only known.

What could I have done to deserve the love of One who is more perfect than I’ll ever comprehend, when I’ve done nothing but disappoint and reject and forget, time and time again? And there’s the truth: The answers not a thing. The same conclusion, once again, comes down to that cold sentence: “It’s not about me.” It’s all about Him and His Grace: a Love, a Forgiveness that I could never deserve – not even if I had 100 lives to live.

And sometimes the burden seems too much to bear. How could I live up to that, knowing I’m so apt to fail? [I can't.]

“All men sin and fall short of the glory of God.” That’s little comfort to me now. Yet, whether we glorify Him or not, He’s still there watching, loving, providing. His hand is steady, though we’re so easily moved. He remains willing to widen the road beneath our feet if we should lose our way in a world where there are so many lost. He seeks to find them out.

How could I ever express the gratitude I feel for a Gift no works of mine could ever match?

I can only try to live a life that’s worthy, knowing I’m so certain to fail, certain that in any case, through anything, He’ll love me still.